Impressions of "Open Mic Night"

One thing that most Husson/NESCom students can look forward to is Open Mic Night. Literally anyone can perform in this event, and once you can sign up, you can do practically anything you want. A handful of people simply played some cover songs with an acoustic, some chose to do stand-up, and there was even a 15 minute performance by the Husson Improv group.

Though there were several acts, I'll try to go over three of what were, in my opinion, some of the more memorable acts.

First off, we have Tyler Allen (pictured left - photo by Holly Emanuelli). Allen certainly showed himself as a man of several talents during Open Mic Night. He started his act by hooking a microphone up to a vocal processor and distorting his voice in several ways. He then proceeded to perform a stand-up act involving the comical retelling of alcohol-induced awkward situations, as well as some humor regarding relationships. It doesn't stop there, though, for the icing on the cake he broke into a Neil Young impersonation and played "Heart of Gold."

The Husson Improv club (pictured right - photo by Holly Emanuelli) approached the stage a few acts later. Their acts allowed the audience to interact with them, and some of their performances mirrored the style of "Whose Line Is it Anyway?" One of the main focuses of their show was a sketch where one person would sit on a bench, and then one person (either from the Improv group or the audience) would come up and sit next to the seated individual and try to say something so awkward that it causes the other person to leave out of sheer disgust. This segment of the show certainly provided something fresh, new, and comical to the typical routine of an Open Mic Night.

Last, but certainly not least, was the NESCom Supergroup: Phimosis(pictured left, photo by Holly Emanuelli) . This group consists of two percussionists, two accordian players, and a Ukelele player/lead vocalist. They took the stage by force and opened up with what they described as an "interpretive, avant-garde" cover of Lady Gaga's Poker Face. They followed this cover with another cover, but this time the song was "We Are The World." This particular cover featured some incredibly dissonant feedback that was seemingly implemented for the sake of irony, or perhaps for the sole purpose of confusing the audience. It was definitely a treat to see half of the audience plugging their ears while the other half smiled and clapped along to the song. The band then closed with a lengthy and upbeat original song. Whether you love them or hate them, there's no doubt as to whether they have the ability to make a lasting impression on a crowd.

Now, I'm aware that there were several more groups that performed that night, but I chose only to review the performances that left a lasting impression upon me. I may not have reviewed every act, but that doesn't mean I didn't like most of the show. I certainly think it was evident that most of the performers put a lot of time and effort into their acts.

Scottish company brings Roger Ebert's voice back to life!

Just when America was starting to think that they'd never hear Film Critic Roger Ebert's voice again, it miraculously comes back. CereProc, a company from Edinburgh, was able to make Ebert's dreams come true when they fulfilled his request to have a text-to-speech synthesizer made (created by stitching together a bunch of audio clips of him talking when he used to have a voice), thus allowing him to simply type what he wants to say, which will then create a somewhat disjointed and detached version of his old voice.


Roger Ebert is famous for his role in At the Movies with Ebert and Roeper, but he got his start as a writer for the Chicago Sun-Times. He also became the first critic to win a Pullitzer Prize for Criticism, in 1975.

According to his statement to the Sun Times, Roger Ebert (The handsome man pictured on the left - photo courtesy of Harpo Productions) admitted that the idea was repeatedly suggested to him. "After I lost my speaking voice, everybody thought they had this brilliant idea. 'Hey! Why don't you just take your voice from your old shows and put it on a computer?'"

CereProc, the digital Necromancers in charge of bringing Ebert's voice back from the dead, were able to stitch together clips of audio from DVD commentaries that Ebert recorded back when he had a voice.

Now that he has (sort of) regained the power of his voice, he says that he plans on possibly using the voice for radio and webcasts.

Airline Security Too Tight For Kevin Smith

A week ago from today, Kevin Smith was literally kicked off an airplane for being too fat. Apparently, Smith typically purchases two seats in advance for the sake of comfort. Unfortunately, he ended up flying standby on another flight, where only one seat was available. The situation was worsened when Southwest Airlines informed him that, because of his size, he had to leave. According to People, they felt justified in kicking Smith off for the following reason:

"If a customer cannot comfortably lower the armrest and infringes on a portion of another seat, a customer seated adjacent would be very uncomfortable and a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement,"

For those of you who aren't familiar with Kevin Smith (photo courtesy of WireImage), he's directed several movies, including: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, Clerks II, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and Fanboys. He's also somewhat famous for playing the role of "Silent Bob" in some of these films.

Smith commented on the incident via Twitter by stating that "I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?)"

The fact that Kevin Smith was literally kicked off an airplane for being too fat may be kinda humorous, but it also paints a frightening picture of Airline Security in general. Is this bombardment of safety regulations really necessary? Could bulking up security to this degree really prevent someone from being injured or killed?

Concert Review: Maps & Atlases

Maps & Atlases is a Math-Rock ensemble that I had the pleasure of seeing about a week ago. They recently released a new EP entitled "You And Me And The Mountain." The album can be heard in its entirety below.



They played three shows in Maine, the one I was able to attend was at the SPACE Gallery in Portland. The SPACE Gallery is an immensely small and intimate locale that combines aspects of an art museum and bar. Those who haven't been there should definitely take the time to check it out.

The band took little time to introduce themselves. Lead vocalist Dave Davison simply stated "Hi, we're Maps & Atlases." and they immediately broke into "Witch," the first song from their new EP. The crowd's response to this was overwhelmingly positive. They proceeded to play almost every track from the album, as well as a good chunk of their earlier songs. Davison would occasionally stop between songs to humbly thank the audience for supporting the band.

Many of the songs featured non-traditional (i.e. not 4/4) time signatures as well as a great deal of guitar tapping. The combination of the bass, lead, and rhythm guitarist tapping, with the drummer occasionally playing a xylophone, endowed several of their songs with a beautiful, harmonious, yet simultaneously bizarre and offbeat sound. The vocalist pierced through this surreal harmony with his powerful (albeit slightly nasally) voice.

Needless to say, the group has a very unique sound.

Since the venue was so small, the whole band just kinda hung out at the end of the show. At this point, fans could ask for autographs, buy merchandise, or just talk with the members of the band. Everything seemed to be going well until one kid sneakily approached the merchandise table, stole a couple shirts, and ran out. A friend of mine saw this and was able to notify the band's drummer, at which point the whole band ran outside and circled the thief. He gave up the stolen merchandise without much of a fight.

Looking back at that night, the members of Maps & Atlases were able to show us all that not only are they each incredible musicians in their own right, but also that they're very kind, humble, and down to earth people.

Sex, Lies, and a Decrepit Deity

Harems may seem like a far-off fictional concept, something that's written about for movies and books. The notion of an actual harem existing, even in a far away land, may be hard for one to wrap their head around. The truth is, harems are a very real thing, and fortunately one was recently busted.

Goel Ratzon (picture courtesy of the Associated Press) was charged for owning a harem in which roughly twenty-one women who, according to Ratzon, willingly volunteered to be his love slaves. Also, birth control is apparently a foreign concept in Jerusalem, because forty-nine children were born as a result of this man's insatiable sexual appetite.

This may seem shocking for several reasons, the most apparent being that this man is very much old and unattractive. However, he had a bizarre (yet, effective) method of picking up these girls. According to the Associated Press, he gave them the impression that he was "an omnipotent one who was blessed with supernatural powers and the ability to heal, destroy and cast curses."

Most sensible individuals would perceive the previous statement as a heaping pile of garbage. Surprisingly the twenty one victimized women totally fell for it. To make matters worse, many of the women would tattoo Ratzon's name on their bodies, and some even named their children after him.

As bizarre as it may seem, these women really claim to have loved him. It is, by all means, great that law enforcement was able to put a stop to this disgusting man's dirty deeds.

On the other hand, Hugh Hefner is practically doing the same thing here in the United States and people love him for it.

Valentine's Day Blues

This year's Valentine's Day may be one of the most depressing yet. It's not for the obvious reason that it's a blatantly commercial holiday that cashes in on our emotions, thus guilt-tripping all of us into dishing out several hard-earned pieces of paper in an effort to win over our loved ones with stuffed animals and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. No, it's far worse than that.

Valentine's Day lands on a Sunday this year, meaning that if you live in a state where blue laws are enacted, you can't buy any liquor. Blue laws essentially show a blatant disregard for the concept of separation of church and state. If one were to read The Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, they would immediately see the following sentence staring back at them: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion."

Despite this, we see that 29 states in America enforce these laws, which are based on the concept of the Sabbath being a holy day.

Now Valentine's Day may not necessarily be based around the consumption of alcohol, but for some it may be necessary. Those who are in dedicated relationships may be perfectly content with the intoxicating affection and love they feel for their partner. However, for those of us who are single, Valentine's Day is, by all means, a very depressing day.

Valentine's Day serves as a constant and painful reminder to single men and women that they are indeed very alone. Perhaps a drink or two could help alleviate some of that depression, but not this year!

Drinking alone on Valentine's Day is practically an American tradition. So, what's the sense in going against a Constitutional concept in an effort to thwart what could very well be the one and only vice of lonely bachelors?

Bud Light's Winter Sports Variety Show!

First off, I must confess that I know nothing about sports. The Super Bowl is the only sports event that I watch, and even then, I'll admit that I don't pay much attention. I'm usually eating greasy food and hanging out with a group of friends. I just so happen to be doing this as I type.

That being said, the following is my impression of this year's Super Bowl.

Bud Light seems to be playing a very important role in this year's Super Bowl. Just now, there was a commercial that featured a NASA-esque team of scientists observing that a meteor was heading straight towards earth. They all collectively decided that the best solution to this crisis would be to get wasted... on none other than Bud Light! They proceeded to horse around a bit and have a good 'ol time. We then see that the meteor ended up being a minor threat, causing the scientists to celebrate even more!

The commercial ends, and the Super Bowl comes back on, but not before all the viewers at home were treated with a big Bud Light logo being displayed over the football field accompanied by a narrator describing the positive qualities of the particular intoxicating beverage.

Two groups of men (made distinguishable by their uniforms) then proceeded to run around on astro turf. This doesn't happen for very long before the next commercial. Personally, I didn't like this part of the variety show, and I found that it was distracting me from the thought of Bud Light.

Thankfully, I was soon treated to another commercial featuring America's favorite mixture of yeast waste products: Bud Light. This one was very unique in that it featured men drinking Bud Light. However, after they drank the beverage, their voices sounded as if they were going through an Autotune filter. Autotune is an effect that is commonly applied to vocals in pop and rap music. It essentially "fixes" the pitch of the vocalist's voice in an effort to make them sound on key at all times. I'm not sure how this really relates to Bud Light, other than the fact that, when intoxicated, one feels much more confident about their singing voice. Hopefully, this will remind viewers to drink their Bud Light before the half time show, so they can have more confidence whilst singing along to the hits of The Who.

The Super Bowl comes back on, and we see two people in suits blabbing about nonsense. To make matters worse, they're doing all of this in front of a Doritos logo. Now, I'm not one to complain, but what the hell does Bud Light have to do with Doritos? I once consumed an entire bag of Doritos and felt no intoxicating effects. So, why waste time eating Doritos when you could be spending your hard earned cash on Bud Light?

This nonsense soon came to an end. I was then fortunate enough to be gifted with the pleasure of viewing another Bud Light advertisement. This one started out somewhat scary, but of course had a happy ending. It began with a plane crashing on a beach, or something like that. I'll be honest, I wasn't exactly paying attention. Anyway, the inhabitants of the plane seemed a bit shaken up as they cautiously walked around the wreckage. Suddenly, to everyone's delight, one of the stranded passengers finds a huge metal container filled with nothing but Bud Light. This causes everyone to forget about what is, by all means, a very serious problem.

Thus, the Super Bowl has taught us that, no matter how bad things seem to get, no matter how horrible and depressing our situation may be, Bud Light will be there to help you forget. These advertisements have shown us that, even if a meteor is threatening the entire planet, or even if you're stranded on an unknown island with potentially no hope of escape: Bud Light will be there to provide you with a wonderful wave of euphoria while simultaneously drowning your sorrows.

The Great Mexican-Pig-Monster Scare of '09

Fear-mongering has been blessed with a relatively large role in our lives as of late, especially with the H1N1 epidemic and the 2012 scare. This dynamic-duo of anxiety harvesting conspiracies has somehow remained relevant for quite some time. Considering the flood of information involved with both of these terrifying theories, it may be hard for one to discern what's true, and what isn't. That being said, let's take a look at what's actually known regarding the H1N1 (or Swine Flu) epidemic.

The H1N1 virus, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, was brought into the United States from Mexico during mid-2009. The symptoms for H1N1 are very much similar to the symptoms for the seasonal flu. According to WebMD, the symptoms for H1N1 "are like regular flu symptoms and include fever, cough, sore-throat, runny nose, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue. . . diarrhea and vomiting." Taking a glance at the section on the regular flu, it's evident that, with a few minor exceptions, the symptoms are essentially the same.

So, it seems as if the Swine Flu (H1N1) could very well just be a slight variation of the regular flu. However, there are some differences. According to msnbc, the swine flu has killed roughly 11,000 since it has existed in the U.S. It's a bit more difficult to find statistics on the regular flu (influenza), though. The CDC website elaborates on why: "First, states are not required to report individual seasonal flu cases or deaths of people older than 18 years of age to CDC. Second, seasonal influenza is infrequently listed on death certificates of people who die from flu-related complications [12]." Keeping this in mind, the CDC estimates that "roughly 17,000 to 52,000" people die from the seasonal flu each year. This estimation may not be the most accurate, but it does illustrate that, at the very least, more people have died from the seasonal flu than from the Swine Flu.

Now let's recap.

The Swine Flu is a disease that initially entered the United States via Mexico. Once in the U.S. it was observed to have the same symptoms of the regular flu, and has even taken less lives. Regardless of all of this, one-fifth of the U.S. population was still convinced into getting an H1N1 vaccine. The media undoubtedly played a huge role in conjuring up fear related to this epidemic, but why?

The fact that 20% of Americans received a flu shot goes to show that the medical industry certainly wasn't hurt as a result of the epidemic. Also, one factor that sets H1N1 apart from the seasonal flu is that it immigrated from Mexico. Perhaps a conspiracy theorist could find some sort of correlation between the fear of swine flu, and the threat of illegal immigration. This seems a bit unlikely, though.

Thankfully, the disease seems to be a minor threat, and for the most part, we should all be safe.